


samson (i loved you first)

by trappednightingale



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Flashbacks, M/M, NaNoWriMo 2020, POV Alternating
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:54:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27392284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trappednightingale/pseuds/trappednightingale
Summary: The reflections of two idiots, realizing they love(d) each other, and picking up the pieces.
Relationships: Magnus Burnsides/Taako
Comments: 3
Kudos: 14





	samson (i loved you first)

After the day of Story and Song, there’s an… adjustment period, to say the least. Magnus stays on the BoB headquarters for awhile, but Taako is just… gone. And the thing is, he’d gotten used to having Taako around, had adjusted to what it was like to trust someone enough to be able to sleep through the night, to lo--

No, there’s no time to dwell on that. He can’t stay here forever, and it’s not long at all before he sets out on his own, waving off Merle’s offer of companionship because while he’d gotten used to having Taako and Merle around, he knows that Merle has a family, knows that he needs to get used to living on his own again. So he sets off to Neverwinter, finds a nice tavern that welcomes him in for the evening (‘You’re Magnus Burnsides! Please, your first night is on us!’), and ends up with more free ciders than he knows what to do with. It’s a good while before he’s left to his own devices-- damn his rustic hospitality-- and he finds himself feeling… lonely. It’s been so, so long since he’s been to a tavern on his own, and he finds he doesn’t really like it, missing Merle’s inappropriate jokes, Taako’s over-the-top laughter.

Gods, but he would give anything to hear Taako’s laugh again. Now, he’s not sure if he ever will. They’ve all gone their separate ways, the three of them, hell, the seven of them all scattered to the winds. It makes him think on his relationship with Taako, wondering how it was possible to have gotten it wrong, to have messed up twice in the same (overly long) lifetime.

Truth be told, he’d fallen in love with Taako from that first meeting, that initial serendipitous run in on the Academy, and remembering that, remembering how it felt like his whole world had stopped when he saw the scraped palms from where Taako had caught himself on the pavement, remembering how Taako had gone from this unattainable, god-like creature to a part of his family, a part of his very soul, woven so deep into him that he’d been helpless but to fall for a second time when they’d run into each other again, the night before that fateful quest for Gundren Rockseeker. Even though his heart had been broken, still drowning in grief from the loss of his love, it felt like he was awake again the moment he’d locked eyes with the elf across the tavern, the random decision to utilize famous social networking gnome Craig's List of Friendship and Gigs seemed more serious, more inspired, even. Fate always found a way to bring them together, it seemed.

Magnus sighs, takes a drink, and wills the night away.

/ / /

The first time Magnus dies, Taako is… indifferent. It’s not that he doesn’t care, he totally does, that’s his teammate, his security officer, his… whatever. But he barely has a moment to register the shock of _Magnus stayed behind_ and _Magnus is dead_ before his atoms are rearranging themselves and… there’s Magnus. Black eye and all, an expression of shock on his face, but otherwise alive.

The first time Lup dies, though, they’re only halfway through the cycle, Taako has six months without his sister, and the longest he’d gone before that was six minutes, jeezy creezy and Magnus is the one to collect her body, to cradle it in his arms and look at Taako with a forlorn expression, to say “Taako I’m so--”

“Don’t.” Taako snaps, eyes flashing dangerously as he points at Magnus. “This… was a freak accident. You can’t always take the big hits, you can’t take fall damage for gods’ sake!”

Magnus swallows, looks between Taako and Lup’s _dead body_ in his arms, then gives Taako a firm nod. “We need to get back to the ship before nightfall. We’ll…”

“I know.” Taako sighs, scrubs a hand over his face. “If we stay out here, we’re toast, just like---” He can’t bring himself to say it, the loss still too fresh in his mind. Magnus’ expression is unreadable, but Taako doesn’t care, can’t be bothered, just reaches out, closes his sister’s eyes for the last time that cycle, then tightens his hand on his wand.

“Let’s go.”

* * *

They make it back to the ship just as starlight has started to filter through the trees of this thrice-damned plane, the howling of the plane’s more brutal inhabitants echoing around them. Magnus puts Lup in her room, pulling a blanket over her head, while Davenport and Lucretia lowly discuss burial and funeral arrangements. Taako is still in shock, sitting on the floor in Lup’s room, his eyes not even flicking over when Magnus comes back inside, a blanket in his hands. Taako is barely aware of the other wrapping the blanket over his shoulders, of the broad hands rubbing warmth back into his arms. His eyes finally focus when the other speaks.

“Huh? What?” Taako blinks, looking up at Magnus’ suddenly very close face.

“I said Barry made soup, if you want some.” Magnus repeats, concern evident on his features. “Taako, if--”

“It’s just six months.” Taako cuts him off, shaking his head. “Don’t… don’t make this a thing, it doesn’t have to be a thing.”

“Yeah, but it’s Lup.” Magnus replies, as though that explains everything. And maybe it does, maybe all Taako has ever been is the Artemis to Lup’s Apollo, the moon forever reflecting the sun’s light.

“You’re pretty full of light yourself, you just don’t see it.” Magnus says, and oh shit, was Taako talking out loud?

“Yeah, kind of. But I mean, hey, shock, right?” Magnus offers, and before Taako realizes what he’s doing, he’s leaning forward, the blanket slipping from his shoulders as he buries his face in Magnus’ broad chest. The first sob escapes his chest, and then his body is heaving with them, and Magnus just holds him close, wraps his frankly ridiculous arms around him and holds him through the worst of them. Taako’s pretty sure he’s soaked Magnus’ shirt with tears and snot and other general grossness, but Magnus doesn’t comment when he pulls away, just uses the edge of his jacket sleeve to wipe the mess from Taako’s face.

“I’m right here, whatever you need.” Magnus offers and Taako just rolls his eyes, pushes him so he falls flat on his ass where he was crouched in front of Taako.

“I’m a big boy, Magnus. I’ll be alright.”

It’s clear in the look Magnus gives him that he doesn’t believe him, but right now it doesn’t matter. What matters is that he doesn’t quite believe himself.

* * *

The thing about grief is that how you react to loss doesn’t always make sense. Sometimes, it’s sitting in a ball in the corner of the room, too in shock to move or formulate a single thought. Sometimes it’s casting a soundproofing spell so you can scream obscenities at ass o’ clock in the morning, pounding your fists on the wall, into the door, on anything you can reach because it’s better than being still.

Taako feels like he went through every possible response to grief over the period of that first night, his fists bloody from alternating between hitting too-solid objects and biting them to stifle his sobs, his face a gross, snotty mess. Sure, he would see her again, but six months is starting to feel like an eternity when faced with the fact that it was _six months_ without his sister, six months _alone_.

But he’s not alone, not really. There’s Barry, and Davenport, and Lucretia, and Merle and… Magnus. Magnus, who’s there with oatmeal before dawn, with kind, guilty eyes and a gently-offered smile. Magnus is silent as Taako spoons oatmeal into his mouth, doesn’t say anything even as Taako puts a glamour on to cover the truly atrocious state of his appearance.

“I miss her, too.” He finally says, regret evident in his tone.

And the thing is, that Magnus has no idea what it’s like to lose his other half, has no idea what it’s like to suddenly find himself alone for the first time in a lifetime, doesn’t know what it’s like to have his main source of light cruelly snuffed out by the hands of Fate or whatever cruel force works in this harsh plane. But Taako knows that’s not what the other is saying, can tell by the downward curve of his mouth and the dark circles under his eyes that Magnus didn’t sleep, either, that he’s not the only one consumed with guilt over the accident that took his sister from him.

“It wasn’t your fault, Mags.” Taako finally says quietly, placing his hands in his lap.

“Wasn’t yours either.” Magnus replies. It’s quick, and there’s no room in his tone for doubt, and in that moment, Taako starts to believe him.

* * *

It’s a gradual thing, this thing with Magnus. Started in the Academy, when a too-broad form had knocked into him, shouted an obscenity or three, then immediately apologized and helped him up. Bright eyes had looked into his own, seeming to bear into his very soul for the brief moment they’d locked gazes, and the rest had been history. They’d had a few classes together, but from that very moment, Taako became almost hyper-aware of the other’s presence, suddenly seeing him everywhere when he’d barely even noticed him before.

They hadn’t been expecting to become the only remaining inhabitants of a world they could no longer find, hadn’t expected to die and come back countless times, and the trauma of it all had brought them together. Where before, Taako’s whole world had been Lup, now it was… Now it was Lup and Barry and Merle and Lucretia and Davenport and… Magnus.

Magnus with his too-bright smiles, the toothy grin that greeted him at the beginning of each cycle, the twinkling eyes that seemed to ask “Okay, now what?”

Shit, but Taako had it bad.

/ / /


End file.
